Making The Akatsuki
by Female Gaara
Summary: I too lazy do summary. Just read the damn story, un!
1. Chapter 1

Pein, Konan, and Zetsu were gathered in the living. Zetsu and Konan were lounging on the couch, staring at the auburn-haired man before them, eye sometimes traveling to the books lying on the coffee table between him and them. "Pein, what are we doing here?" Konan asked, folding a sheet of bright green paper into a small dog.

"**This had better be good.** We're ready to listen. **As long as you keep it short.**"

"Alright, I'll explain," Pein said, clearing his throat. "Now, as you two know, I've wanted to build an organization for a while (twin groans were heard from the two teens, only to be quickly silenced by a glare from Pein) and I've had trouble figuring out how to do it."

"Ain't that the truth," Konan muttered, making Zetsu smirk.

"ANYWAY," Pein went on, "it finally hit me what we have to do. In two days, school will start. We're all going to be sophomores; and, by default, the closest to the incoming freshmen. That's where we'll get our members."

Konan raised her hand, frowning. "Yes dear?" The man asked.

"Pein, exactly how do you plan on convincing a bunch of cocky punks to join this organization you're wanting to make?"

The standing man smiled. "Konan, I'll answer that question with a question. What is the one thing that every teenager, no matter their upbringing, intelligence, size, or anything else, wants from their peers?"

Konan furrowed her brow, stopping her origami as she thought. Finally, she finished folding the dog, and set it on the coffee table. "Acceptance," she stated as she grabbed a red piece of paper.

"Correct! Now, besides that, kids have grown up hearing that high school is the best time of their life, right?"

Konan smirked and Zetsu snorted, making Pein smile and nod. "We know that's a load of bull. High school's just fine, if you can make good grades, join a lot of clubs, become super popular, and be Mr. Wonderful who dates Mary Sue and is going to get a full ride to college. To the rest of us, it's a living hell."

"Get to the point!"

"I was!" Pein snapped. "The people who are trapped in the hell of high school are outcasts. Those few students who think differently, look different, aren't what the rest of the world wants. They're _better_, yet stepped on as if they were common dirt. These teens are unwanted, loathed, and alone." A sadistic grin crossed Pein's face. "That's where we come in.

We provide the teens with acceptance, as long as they join our organization. They're surrounded by people who are just like them, which provides security. Finally, their unique 'talents', will help us to gain control of what we want. If we play our cards right, we'll have the whole school by the throat at the end of the year."

Konan and Zetsu could only stare in silence at their leader. "You know, I think it might work," Konan began.

"It's crazy. **Then again, whoever said crazy was bad**…I like it."

"Good," Pein continued, picking up two books and tossing one to each of his friends. "Then start combing through those."

"Pein, are these yearbooks?" Konan asked, setting aside her origami to flip through the pages.

"Yup, and don't ask how I got them," the leader answered, handing her and Zetsu pens. "The high school gets all the students coming in from the three local junior high schools around here. That means we're looking at about 450 kids to go through. You both can pick two that you want to draft."

"Pein, that's take all night!" Zetsu cried.

"Not really. All you have to do is focus on the eighth grade pages. Cross out any pictures of students who appear in any sports or club pictures. In fact, cross out any kids that appear in those cheesy 'standing-in-the-hall-talking-with-my-friends' photos. Remember, we want kids that come to us because they have nothing else." Zetsu and Konan nodded, and Pein grabbed the third yearbook. The search began.

Things remained relatively quiet in the house, save for the occasions sounds of pages being turned, and the soft sound of pen on paper, mostly crossing out photos instead of circling them. Finally, after a good 2 hours of work, the three were done.

"Alright," Pein said, "let's see what we've got. Konan, you can start."

"Alright," she answered, opening her yearbook. "The first one I picked is a kid named Sasori. Sasori Akasuna, to be more exact."

Pein eyed the student's photo and raised a brow. "Why him?"

"Well, I wasn't sure at first what to look for, so I saw his picture and just started looking through the snapshots in the back of the yearbook. I saw one picture with him-"

"That automatically disqualifies him," Zetsu pointed out.

"NO! See, that picture. Look," Konan demanded, finger pointing to a small picture.

The photo itself was normal enough; a group of preppy girls outside the school, smiling and posing for the camera. Sasori was sitting in the background, leaned against a tree with a stern look on his face. Pein stared at it for a few moments, then noticed something in the redhead's hands. "Is that…?"

"Yes, it is," Konan answered softly.

Sasori was carving a block of wood.

"That's interesting," Pein murmured, thinking. "I doubt many other kids around here have that kind of interest. Are you sure he's not in any clubs?"

"Yup. His yearbook picture and that photo are the only time he shows up in here."

"I'll accept that. Zetsu?" the schizo nodded, and Pein turned back to Konan. "You're other choice?"

"This guy. He's name Kakuzu Bernat." Pein looked at the photo.

The kid looked normal enough; minus a pair of creepy green eyes. "He looks like he wants to kill me."

"That's why I think he won't have a lot of friends," Konan explained. "Furthermore, no club or sports shots, even though he looks like he could take out a whole football team on his own."

"I see. Ok, those two are yours. Zetsu?"

The schizo held up his yearbook, and Pein saw that his choices were side by side. "Itachi and Madara 'Tobi' Uchiha. Care to explain?"

"Tobi is a common name. **But have you ever heard someone called Madara? It's weird.** He has a nickname to blend in with people. **Apparently it doesn't work very well, because the little brat's got a mask on too!**"

"And the other?"

"Look at the lines under his eyes. Too perfect to be birthmarks, or scars put there by someone else. Self-inflicted wounds could mean he's alone and depressed. **Perfect for us to use.**"

"Ok, add two Uchihas to the list. Now, for my picks." Pein spun his yearbook around for the others to see. "The first one is Deidara Iwa."

"Pretty girl," Konan remarked.

"Look closer. That's a boy."

The origami creator's eyes went wide. "Oh my god, you're right!"

"**You want a cross-dresser here?**"

"No, I want outcasts. And I'm guessing this kid fits the bill. My other choice is Kisame Hoshigaki." Konan and Zetsu looked over the blue-skinned kid, and it didn't take a genius to figure out that he probably wasn't too popular.

"Is that it?" Konan asked.

"Not quite," Pein replied. "I want an even ten people in this organization. Everyone'll have a…partner, I guess. Someone to second guess their stupid choices, stay with them when the rest of us can't, keep them in check, be a near opposite of them in fact…"

"A ying for their yang?" Konan asked, smirking.

"Yes. We can work out who will have whom later-"

"AHEM!"

"Konan, sweetie, you know you'll be with me."

"I'd better," Konan growled darkly.

"Anyhow," Pein said hurriedly, "I pulled a list of all the kids who have to transfer in from other schools. Once again, don't ask where I got the list. There are a total of 22 students who aren't from the surrounding schools that will start at Konoha High School. 10 are from out of town and just moved here, 7 moved across town and into the zone for KHS, and 4 transferred in due to bullying issues from other schools."

"That still leaves one," Zetsu pointed out.

"And that one has a very interesting reason for starting here," Pein replied, smiling. He held up a small piece of paper, with a list of names written on it. One was circled. "Hidan Neco."

"What's so special about this kid?"

"For one thing, He's a Jashinist. Ever heard of them?" Zetsu and Konan shook their heads. "Neither have I. They're a small religious sect, bent on destruction and pain. A teacher that made the mistake of calling his religion a 'freakish cult' nearly had his eyes gouged out with a mechanical pencil."

"Ouch," Konan said, wincing.

"My sentiments exactly. He's had several messy run-ins with the students in his grade, most of which have ended in trips to the nurses office on both sides. He's coming here for the sake of preserving the lives of those children. They're hoping a new school, where he starts out at the bottom of the food chain, will help mellow him out."

"That's where we come in, right?" Zetsu asked.

"Exactly." Pein tore out the photos in the yearbook and quickly scrawled the names beneath the pictures. "You each are responsible for the kids you picked. Don't tell them anything about our organization; just mingle and try to draw them in. We can worry about bringing them here later."

"Hey, Pein?" Konan asked, raising her hand again.

"Yes?"

"What are we even going to call this group?"

Pein paused, thinking, before snapping his fingers. "Akatsuki. From this moment on, we are Akatsuki."

"Works for me," Konan stated. Zetsu merely shrugged, indicating that he'd accepted the name.

"Good. In that case, we attack at dawn!"

"But school doesn't open until 7," Konan pointed out.

"And it doesn't even start for two more days," Zetsu added.

"…I knew that."


	2. Chapter 2

**I like this story. In case you were wondering... **

**konan's last name is a brand of origami paper, and pein's is latin for, "to stab, pierce, puncture, ect." anyway, please read and review! **

Pein looked up at the school and smiled. "You two know what to do, right?"

"It's crystal clear, Pein," Zetsu replied.

"So stop worrying, honey," Konan whispered, kissing her boyfriend on the cheek.

"What did I say about doing that in public?" Pein asked, frowning.

"What did I say about chiding me for doing that in public?" Konan hissed, radiating an aura of death.

"**Shut up, both of you.** It's nearly time for school to start."

"Right," Pein said, regaining his composure. "Everyone has their schedules, right?" Three pieces of hospital green paper were held out to be seen. "Ok, Konan has first lunch, I have second, and Zetsu has third. This couldn't have worked out better if it was planned."

"**It was**. I hacked the system to spread us out this semester. **Idiot.**"

"Yes, well…good job."

RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING

"Ok, there's our cue. Remember, you're only responsible for your choices. If you need to trade, let me know." Konan and Zetsu nodded as they entered the building.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Ow, un!" Deidara hissed several choice words under his breath as he walked down the hallway. He had barely even gotten a moment to look at his schedule, since he was constantly bumping into other students in the hallway, most of wish yelled something along the lines of, "Watch it fresh meat!" at him.

"ATTENTION, STUDENTS. THE BELL WILL RING IN THREE MINUTES."

"Crap!" Deidara began running down the hall, trying to get away from the crowd long enough to see where he was going.

WHAM

"OWW!"

"UN!"

Deidara sat up, rubbing his nose. He was about to yell at whoever collided with him, but as he opened his eyes to glare at his attacker, the words seemed to disappear.

The student he'd run in to was a medium height redhead. He was wearing faded blue jeans and a t-shirt, with a pair of tennis shoes to complete the look. "You ok?" the kid asked, frowning at the blonde.

"Yeah, un," Deidara replied, rising to his feet before helping the redhead to his feet. "You?"

"Yes," Sasori managed to get out. "_Damn, it's a guy?"_ Sasori had only been polite because he thought he'd collided with a female, and in his book, chivalry wasn't dead. The blonde's appearance leaned towards feminine; long blonde hair with bangs partially obscuring one eye, skin tight shirt and black jeans, finished off with a pair of canvas sneakers. If the guy hadn't spoken, Sasori would have addressed the teen as 'miss'.

"Hey, you two!" The boys turned to see a blue haired woman approaching them. "You guys are freshmen, right?"

"Is it that obvious, un?" Deidara groaned.

"Afraid so," she said, smirking. "Let me see your schedules." The teens reluctantly handed them over, and Konan quickly read their class list. "Art 1?"

"Yes," they both answered, giving each other weird looks.

"You guys are lucky. It's two doors down, on the left," Konan said, pointing the room out.

Deidara let out a sigh of relief as Sasori took their schedules. "Thank you," the Akasuna said, handing Deidara's schedule back to the blonde.

"No problem. Hey, my class is right here. I'll pick you guys up after the bell rings and get you to your next class too. It'll save you some time and bruises."

"Thank you, um…"

"Konan. The name's Konan Pacon. And you are..?"

"Deidara Iwa, un."

"And Sasori Akasuna," the redhead added.

"Got it," Konan said, walking into a class. She suddenly reemerged. "By the way, you've got thirty seconds before the bell rings." With that said, she ducked into her room, leaving the artists to dash down the hall. She slipped into a seat in the back of the room, before pulling out her cell phone, texting.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If Kakuzu's size wasn't enough to scare off anyone that got too close to him, the look in his eyes finished the job. "Great; a building full of cowards and punks. Just what I wanted to deal with," he growled.

Suddenly, a blur flew by him. He turned just in time to see a kid collide with a wall, before sinking to the ground. That was interesting. "Move it assholes!" Kakuzu turned back around to see the strangest kid he'd ever laid eyes on.

The guy was shorter than him by at least a foot, with slicked back silver hair and eyes that were a mix between pink and violet. He was wearing an old leather jacket (no shirt under it) ragged jeans, and battered tennis shoes. "What the hell are you looking at?" the teen asked, frowning up at Kakuzu.

"You. The fifty's ended a long time ago, you know."

The shorter teen's eye twitched. "Your point, dumbass?"

"Just forget it," Kakuzu said, not in the mood for a fight.

"Tch, whatever." The other guy turned back around, and they began walking down the hall. "Dude, stop following me."

"I'm not following you; we're just going the same way," Kakuzu muttered, trying to ignore the smaller teen.

After a few more minutes, the teen turned around again. "Dumbass, I told you to quit following me!"

"We're just going the same way!" Kakuzu snapped.

Finally, after only a few more seconds, the teen spun around once more. "Jashin dammit, beat it!"

"Who the hell is Jashin?"

Kakuzu almost instantly regretted voicing the question. "Jashin is my all-powerful lord, dammit! He smites down bastards the world over, and-"

"Ok, I'm leaving now," Kakuzu said, trying to duck into a classroom, only to collide with the smaller man.  
>"Hey, I'm trying to leave like you keep yelling at me too!"<p>

"Well guess what dumbass? This is my first damn class too."

"…"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The two teens were staring at their teacher, eyes wide. "Dude, the bitch has to be at least a hundred."

"Two hundred," Kakuzu corrected.

"Dude…"

"By the way, my name's Kakuzu, not dude."

"Name's Hidan, dumbass."

"Got it." The larger teen went back to staring at the woman. "I'll bet she croaks before the year's over," he murmured.

"That's a sucker's bet," Hidan replied, pulling out a metal object. Kakuzu started, wondering what the hell the Jashinist was thinking. "Relax, dumbass, it's a comb, not a Jashin-damned knife." To the banker's relief, Hidan flicked out a comb, instead of a switchblade like he'd been expecting.

"MR. NECO!" the elderly teacher screeched. "Is that a knife?" She began hobbling to the back of the room, only to trip and hit the ground with a crunch and a cry. "AHH! Somebody call the nurse; I think I broke my hip!" Hidan and Kakuzu couldn't restrain themselves and broke out in fits of laughter.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~second period~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pein's phone began vibrating in his pocket. After making sure the teacher was too caught up in explaining the rules to actually notice what was going on around him, the auburn-haired boy looked at the message. It was from Konan.

"Pein, I met D and S in the hall before class. I saw their schedules; both have my lunch. Trade S for Ka?"

The leader smirked. Konan had decided they'd abbreviate the names of all the recruits, so no one else would catch on. He rapidly began texting back.

"Fine. As long as you get them. Zetsu already met up with T and I. You take S and D. I have Ki, H, and Ka." He smiled as he pushed the send button. It was a pain in the ass to capitalize and not abbreviate, but Konan refused to let them fall victim to IM lingo like every other meat head around the school.

Pein turned back around to listen to the end of his teacher's speech. Something about please don't steal the calculators. Pein raised a brow. "I thought this was science…"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Itachi looked up and down the hall, waiting for his cousin and the mysterious man that had been showing them around up to now. "ITACHI!"

The said teen moved to the side just in time to avoid being glomped, watching in mild amusement as Tobi collided face first with a locker. "Tobi, what did you promise me before we left the house today?"

"That Tobi would be a good boy for Itachi!" The boy looked his cousin up and down. "Itachi, why don't you wear pretty colors like Tobi?"

The weasel was dressed from head to foot in black, complete with black Tripp pants and a long-sleeved shirt. His ear was pierced, and his long black hair was pulled back into a ponytail. "Because, Tobi, I don't want to look like a rainbow threw up on me."

Tobi was a sharp contrast to his cousin; wearing a tye-dye shirt, and jeans that were discolored from chemicals and paints that had been spilt on them over time. His shoes had once been white, but now had little smiley faces drawn all over them, courtesy of the permanent markers he received as a gift last Christmas. "But Tobi looks like a good boy like this!" the masked teen protested.

"**Are you two done fighting?** I have time to get you to your next classes."

The Uchihas turned to see the schizo looking at them, a calm expression on his face. "Yes," Itachi said, answering for both of them, before following Zetsu down the hall.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~third period~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kisame was doing his best to ignore the odd looks that students were giving him, but it only helped so much.

He sighed as he dialed in the combination to his locker, swearing as the thing refused to open. It took a few good kicks, but he finally managed to open it.

The shark stowed his books in the locker before looking down at his schedule. His next class was in the tech unit. "Like I know where the hell that is…"

"Need help?" He spun around to see a teen with at least half a dozen facial piercings staring up at him. "I'm guessing you're a freshman," the teen continued.

"Um, yeah," Kisame went on, not used to talking to somebody for so long without hearing a question about his unique skin tone. "The name's Kisame Hoshigaki. You?"

"Pein Pungare," the teen said. "Would you like some help?"

"Yeah," Kisame admitted sheepishly.

"Alright. Follow me," Pein commanded, turning before Kisame could see the wicked smile on his face. Things were going according to plan. Excellent.


	3. Chapter 3

Deidara nervously looked around the lunchroom, trying to stay close to Sasori. "Where do we sit, un?"

"How should I know, brat?"

"Don't call me that, un."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm not a brat!" Deidara snapped, frowning at his only friend.

"Deidara? Sasori?"

The artists turned to see a familiar blue-haired woman smiling at them. "KONAN!"

"Hey," she replied.

"We can't seem to shake you," Sasori remarked, masking his relief.

"I didn't know you guys had this lunch," Konan went on, lying through her teeth. "How about we sit together?"

"Why not?" Deidara asked cheerfully, dragging Sasori behind him as they followed Konan to a table. Neither teen would dare refuse the offer of a lunch table to sit at. Say what you want, but there is no worse feeling than standing around in the cafeteria on the first day of school like a complete moron because you can't find somewhere to sit, or any friends to sit with.

"Ok, now just go ahead and make yourselves comfortable," Konan ordered, sitting down at one of the smaller tables that only held four chairs. "First fifteen minutes in here are spent staking your territory. If we leave now, someone else will be here in ten seconds flat." She looked over the two teens, practically grinning as she reeled them in. "So, how's your first day been?"

"Pretty good, un," Deidara replied. "Sasori and I have two classes together so far, and art's first period, un. But everyone keeps bugging me about my 'uns', so that kinda sucks."

"Kids around here suck," Konan replied. "Just try and ignore most of them. That's what I do."

"Konan, do you even have any friends here?" Sasori asked. "I haven't seen you talk to a single other person while we're with you."

Konan frowned at the Akasuna. "I have a boyfriend," she huffed. "And Zetsu."

"Just those two?" Sasori asked incredulously.

"Sasori," Konan went on, "Zetsu and Pein are all I need. You'll find out that good friends are hard to come by around here, so quality really does become more important than quantity."

"I see…"

"Anyway, this has become depressing. Let's go get lunch!" The two males rose and followed Konan through the lunch line, before returning to their table, grateful to find it still vacant.

So," Konan said, munching on her apple, "How'd your day go, Sasori?"

"Fine. At least until the brat started ranting about his explosions being true art-"

"That's because art is brief, un!" Deidara interjected.

"Brat, art is eternal like my puppets!"

"It's a bang, just like my bombs, un!"

"_A bomber and a puppeteer. It appears Pein and I have an eye for talent_," Konan thought, smiling.

"Quit calling me brat, un!" Deidara ordered.

"Or what?" Sasori asked.

"I'll insult you too, un!"

"Try it," Sasori ordered, smirking as his sipped his water.

"Um, bastard! Stick boy! Shrimp, un!"

"The last one doesn't work. You're only an inch taller than me," Sasori pointed out.

"Grr, dammit danna!"

Konan choked on her apple, and Sasori spewed his drink all over the table. "What did you just call me?"

Deidara blinked a few times before grinning wickedly. "Sasori danna, un."

"Brat, don't call me that!"

"But I like calling you danna, danna, un."

"An artist hack like you should-"

"You're the hack! Art is brief, un!"

"It's eternal!"

"Both of you be quiet!" Konan ordered, crushing her apple in one fist.

"…Brat."

"Danna."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pein walked into the cafeteria with Kisame in tow. "Ok, we need to find a few other people to sit with us," Pein explained. "There's no way two people can hold down a lunch table in this place without random people crowding around."

"Ok…" Kisame began looking around. Suddenly he saw a face he recognized and pointed. "Hey, that kid's in my third period!"

Pein looked where the shark was pointing and saw Kakuzu and Hidan. For once, luck appeared to be on his side. "_Maybe it's to make up for the lousy date Konan and I had last week. Did she really have to lock me out of the house? And then change the locks…"_

"Um, Pein? You ok?"

"Hmm? Oh, I'm fine. Let's go see if those two would mind sharing their table with us."

The two walked over to the miser and Jashinist, who appeared to be arguing about something. "Hey, Kakuzu," Kisame said.

The taller man looked up at the two newcomers. "…You're in my third period. Kisame, right?"

"Yup. Hey, my friend Pein and I are kind of stranded. You mind if we sit here?"

"No problem-hey, you're the one that helped Hidan and me earlier today!" Kakuzu said.

"You in some kind of Jashin damned good Samaritan program?" Hidan asked.

"No. It's just easier to help freshmen then shove them aside. Especially when they're bigger than you," Pein explained, directing the last part at Kakuzu and Kisame.

"Whatever," Hidan muttered, pulling out a pocketknife. "Jashin, please accept this sacrifice."

It was then that Kisame and Pein noticed that the brown bag in front of Hidan was moving.

Hidan raised the blade and stabbed the bag, making its contents shriek and squirm before going limp.

All three teens stared at the Jashinist. "Hidan, what was that?"

"My monthly sacrifice," the Jashinist explained, reaching into the bag and pulling out a bloody soup canister.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Itachi looked around the cafeteria with a bored look on his face, only vaguely aware of what Tobi and Zetsu were talking about. "_I need to talk to that guy alone."_ He turned to his cousin and tapped him on the shoulder. "Tobi, look at that pretty bird outside."

"Where Itachi?" Tobi asked, looking out the large windows behind their table.

Zetsu watched as Itachi pulled an unlabeled canister out of his pocket and dumped white powder into the masked teen's drink.

Tobi turned back around in his seat, and you could practically see the frown behind his mask. "Itachi, Tobi didn't see anything!"

"It must have flown away," the weasel replied, watching as his cousin drank the milk in front of him.

For a moment, all was calm. Zetsu watched as the masked boy slowly set down his milk carton, then sat perfectly still. "Tobi…"

"Yes?" Zetsu prodded.

"Is…a…"

"What?"

"GOOD BOY!" Tobi jumped out of his seat and took off across the cafeteria, knocking down students and faculty alike. "!" He ducked into the main lunch, and a moment later reemerged with a large container of potatoes. A few choice tosses, and an all-out food fight had begun.

"What did you do?" Zetsu asked.

"I gave him sugar," Itachi explained, holding up his lunch tray in time to block a hamburger that had been aimed at his head. "He's ADHD."

"**Very nice.**"

"I needed to talk with you." The weasel ducked under the table, and Zetsu followed suit. "I'm not an idiot, Zetsu. No one just volunteers to help freshmen like Tobi and me find our way around school. They all hate us. You have an ulterior motive."

"You're quite sharp," Zetsu remarked.

"Tell me or I'll make sure we never speak again," Itachi went on.

"Alright! **God, you really are a little emo.** My friend Pein is forming a group. We'd like you and Tobi to join. That's all I'll say. **For now…**"

"Give me one good reason. I hate groups, I hate people, and most importantly, I hate Tobi."

"**Pein wants both of you in it, so one way or another, you'll join.** What do you want?"

Itachi paused for a moment, thinking. "There's one thing. And I'll only consider joining if you do it…"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pein and Konan were in the parking lot, discussing how the day had gone. "I think we have a shot at bringing these people together," she remarked.

"Agreed," Pein said. "And at this rate, things will work out perfectly! Now, where is Zetsu…"

The schizo walked up a few minutes later, looking rather depressed. "What's wrong?" Konan asked, concerned. "Problems with the Uchihas?"

"In a way. **That weasel is pure evil…**"

"What happened?" Pein demanded.

"I was bamboozled into telling Itachi what your plan was."

"WHAT?"

"Relax! **You sound like a girl when you scream like that**."

"HEY!"

"**Alright, a manly girl.**"

"…"

"**Manlady?**"

"Just explain what happened," Konan ordered.

"Well, I told him about Akatsuki. There's a pretty good chance he'll join. However, we had to do something in exchange for him…"

"What is it?" Pein snapped.

"ZETSU!" Pein and Konan watched as the schizo was glomped by a technicolor blur. "Zetsu, I found you!"

"I noticed. Tobi, meet Pein and Konan. They're your new roommates."


	4. Chapter 4

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~days later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CRASH

"Tobi, get back here!" Zetsu yelled, chasing the boy around upstairs.

BANG

"**Damn brat, come back!**"

BOOM

"I don't even want to know what that was," Pein growled, slamming his head onto the kitchen table.

"At least it's a step towards Akatsuki," Konan remarked, sipping her coffee.

"If nothing else," Pein muttered, sitting up to drink his own coffee. "Tobi's moved in, so that pretty much cements him being in Akatsuki. Plus, Itachi will more or less have to join now, since we took the brat off his hands."

BAM

"But I still wish that kid would SHUT THE HELL UP!" To Pein and Konan's surprise, everything went silent. A moment later, they heard someone coming down the stairs, and Zetsu soon walked into the kitchen, carrying Tobi over his shoulder. "Thank you Zetsu."

"**Whatever,**" Zetsu growled, grabbing two bowls out of the cabinet and setting one of them in front of Tobi. "Tobi, please be a good boy for Pein and eat your cornflakes," Zetsu requested, pouring a bowl of cereal for the kid.

"OK Zetsu!" the Uchiha chirped, munching happily on his breakfast.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~later that day~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Deidara was walking down the hall, trying to hurry to his locker. He'd managed to forget his social studies book, and he had the one teacher in the entire building that actually cared whether or not you brought your book to his class. As he was about to turn the corner, he saw a group of upperclassmen gathered around a locker, with one of them smirking and holding something above his head. He walked closer, frowning as he heard what was being said.

"Give Tobi his mask back!" A small voice cried.

"Ya hear that? This little brat's name is Tobi," the ringleader remarked, smirking as his friends laughed. By now, Deidara could see that the ten called Tobi was backed up against a locker, hands covering his face, and the said mask was being dangled above his head.

With all the grace a person like Deidara could have, the blonde stepped forward, hopped up, plucked the mask away from the upperclassman, and pressed it into Tobi's hands. "Here, un," he whispered, taking off before the teens could come to their senses and retaliate. Tobi took the hint and was gone in a flash, leaving behind half a dozen angry teens.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Deidara arrived in his sixth period, he was surprised to find the boy he'd rescued earlier in the back of the room. "_He wasn't here yesterday; I guess he transferred in."_Shrugging to himself, Deidara took his seat beside the masked teen, waiting for the final class of the day to be over.

He was surprised when Tobi tossed him a note. "HI!" it read.

Looking up quickly to make sure the teacher was distracted, Deidara wrote a reply. "Hey."

"Thanks for saving Tobi in the hall!"

Deidara smirked before writing his reply. "No problem. Tobi, right? I'm Deidara."

"Hi Deidara sempai!"

Deidara raised a brow. "Sempai?" he wrote back.

"Deidara sempai saved Tobi, so he's Tobi's sempai now!"

"Fine. What happened?"

It took the masked teen a while to write down his answer. "Well, Tobi was waiting for Konan to show up, but she didn't. And while Tobi was waiting, these guys came up, and took Tobi's mask! They weren't good boys like Tobi, because they didn't give it back. Then sempai saved Tobi!"

Deidara shook his head. This kid was something else. Suddenly, something in the note caught his attention. "Konan? Konan Pacon?"

Tobi nodded, then began writing again. "I live with her and Pein and Zetsu!"

"Seriously? She never told Sasori danna or me about you."

"Who is Sasori danna?"

"Sasori is **my** danna. Not yours. And he's a friend. Now why hasn't she mentioned you?"

"Tobi moved in yesterday, because Itachi threw Tobi out!"

"That explains it. Now, who are Pein and Zetsu?"

"Mr. Iwa, is that a note?" The teacher barked.

"Tobi, be a good boy and destroy the evidence, un!" Deidara ordered. The masked teen nodded once and popped the note into his mouth, chewing quickly before swallowing the paper.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"So, you have to meet Pein, Konan, and Zetsu out here, un?" Deidara asked, looking around.

"Uh-huh! That's what Konan told Tobi," the boy replied in his chipper voice that was already wearing on Deidara's nerves. A flicker of movement caught Deidara's attention, and he turned. Tobi noticed and looked to where Deidara was gazing.

The six teens from earlier were in the parking lot, advancing towards the two of them. "Hey boss! Those are the two from earlier, right?"

"Yeah, you're right," the ringleader said.

Deidara frowned and took a step back. "Tobi, get ready to run, un," he whispered.

"Oh no," the leader replied, smirking as the teens circled the two freshmen. "You guys aren't going anywhere."

"HEY!" the eight teens looked to see a pissed looking Konan and Sasori hurrying over. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" Konan demanded, glaring up at the leader.

"Nothing that concerns you, so beat it." He turned back to the blonde and the Uchiha, only to have Konan grab his hair and yank his head backwards. "OWW!"

"I'm still talking to you," she growled, releasing him so he could turn around.

"Yeah? Well I'm done talking to you," he retorted, grabbing her by the front of her shirt and shoving her backwards to trip and crash to the ground.

"Konan!" Pein and Zetsu had finally arrived just in time to see Konan get shoved down. Pein immediately rushed to his girlfriend's side. "You ok?"

"I'm fine. Just a little scratched," Konan replied, holding up her palms. Small droplets of blood were already leaking through the scraped flesh.

In the midst of the confusion, Deidara and Tobi were able to break free, and quickly rushed to Zetsu and Sasori. "We need to go, un!"

"Deidara has a point," Sasori remarked. "They're going to kill us."

"No they're not. **They're going to be pushing up daisies.**"

"Huh?" Tobi asked, voicing the artists' unasked question.

"Have any of you ever seen what happens to someone that messes with Konan?" Zetsu asked calmly, a knowing smile creeping across his face. The teens shook their heads, and Zetsu smirked. "**Then just watch.**"

Pein walked towards the group of thugs, a grim look on his face. "You bastards harmed Konan."

"Tch, what are you gonna do about it?" the leader asked.

"This," he replied, punching the teen in the gut, forcing him to double over so Pein could kick him in the face. As that one was down, he moved on to the next one, flipping him and stomping down on his ribcage.

The three freshmen watched in fascinated horror as the pierced teen took down the entire group without so much as getting a scratch on himself. "Wow, un."

"**Word of advice; don't hurt Konan,**" Zetsu remarked, smirking as Pein dislocated a punk's shoulder.

By now, the entire group was on the ground, groaning and, in some cases, bleeding. He stepped over several of the fallen thugs and grabbed their leader by the collar, pulling his face close. "Let me make something perfectly clear," he hissed. "You do not ever touch Konan again. You do not look at her, walk within ten feet of her, or even breathe in her general direction, or so help me, it will be the last thing you do with your insides on the inside. Am I clear?"

"Y-Yes sir," the teen stuttered.

Pein smirked and allowed the boy to flop back down onto the ground. "Good," he said, walking away.

"Don't you think that was a bit much?" Konan asked, dusting herself off.

"No such thing, sweetie," Pein replied, kissing her on the cheek.

The two of them climbed into the car, followed by the Zetsu and Tobi. "Guys, we can give you a lift," Konan called out. A moment later, Deidara and Sasori were inside the car as well. Fifteen minutes later, Deidara was dropped off at his house.

The blonde walked inside. "I'm home, un," he called out, not surprised in the least when he didn't hear an answer.

He walked into the kitchen, where he found dual sticky notes on the fridge. The first read, "Deidara, my meeting's going to run late. Make some ramen for dinner. Mom."

The other was shorter, only saying, "Son, I'll be out late. Dad."

Deidara rolled his eyes and flipped on the radio, before walking into the pantry to make ramen. He hadn't seen his parents face to face in three months now. At least the radio made good company.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sasori pulled the mail out of his mailbox and walked into his grandmother's house. The Akasuna flipped through the papers (mostly bills) before seeing a brightly colored postcard in the bottom of the stack.

His grandmother had written again; apparently, her trip around the world had landed her in Peru, and the place was so fascinating she simply had to extend her trip a few more weeks, meaning she wouldn't be back for eight months, at least.

Sasori merely rolled his eyes and tossed the colorful postage onto the ever-growing pile of letters and junk mail Chiyo insisted on sending him. Like he cared if she ever got back or not.

Oh well. Time to reheat the pizza in the fridge and turn on the evening news.


	5. Chapter 5

Kisame poked at his lunch, a frown set on his face. The other three had been around him long enough to know that if he wasn't smiling or tearing his lunchmeat to shreds with razor sharp teeth, something was wrong.

"What the hell's your problem?" Hidan asked, munching on a sandwich that appeared to still be bleeding.

"My brother threw me out this morning," the shark grumbled.

"You have a brother?" Kakuzu asked, raising a brow.

"Yup. He started college last week-"

"Oh yeah, the Jashin damned college opens a week after us. Lucky bastards…"

"And I guess he decided that he doesn't want to bring his friends home to an underage shark. Can't blame him; he's a junior, for PETA's sake. But that still leaves me out on the curb."

"Why don't you move in with Konan and me?" Pein suggested.

"Do you guys have room?" Kisame asked hopefully.

"Sure. Her folks left us the house when they croaked, so there's plenty of space. You just can't live in the basement; that's where Zetsu stays."

"Zetsu?"

"Don't worry, you'll meet him and Tobi soon enough. Now kindly do something about your lunch; it's crawling towards me."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Alright, is everyone here?" Pein asked.

"No, we're waiting for Tobi. **I'm gonna kill that little-**"

"ZETSU!"

GLOMP

"**Tobi, get off me!**"

"Sorry we're late, un," Deidara sheepishly said to Konan and Pein. "Sasori danna forgot a book, so we had to take a little detour…Kisame?"

"That's my name," the shark said.

"You went to my junior high, un!" Deidara exclaimed.

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, I'm sure! You're kinda hard to forget, un."

"If you don't mind my asking, how'd you turn out blue?" Sasori questioned.

"You know all the toxic dumping the city used to do in the river?"

"Yes," Sasori answered.

"My family lived down there while my mom was pregnant with me. Even went swimming and drank the water a few times. Then she had me, and well, (he motioned to his body) behold the wonders of nuclear waste."

"You're kidding, right?" Konan asked.

"Nope," Deidara cut in. "He's right. That's how I ended up with these, un!" He held up his palms, and a moment later, mouths opened on each palm, the tongues lolling about.

"Holy crap!" Pein screeched.

"**What the hell?**" was all Zetsu could get out.

"Whoa…" Sasori gently grabbed Deidara's wrist and looked closely at the extra mouth. He gently poked the tongue, making the muscle retract back into its mouth like a scared animal. "Interesting…so, you have two extra mouths?"

"Three, un! But the other one's on my chest and sewn up so it can't misbehave, un."

"Konan," Pein whispered, watching as the two artists continued talking.

"Yes dear?"

"We are never going to the river again."

"HEY ASSHOLES!" The group turned to see Hidan and Kakuzu walking towards them. "What's up?" The Jashinist called out.

"Nothing much," Pein replied. "We're just going home."

"Well that's fu-"

"Are you Sasori?" Kakuzu interjected, looking at the redhead.

"Yeah…you're Kakuzu, right?"

"Danna, who's he?"

"Danna?" Hidan proceeded to crack up.

Pein rolled his eyes as Konan quickly introduced the group to each other. "OK, now can we please go?" the auburn-haired man asked.

"What's the rush?" Kisame asked. "It's Friday night, and we have nothing to do."

"Nothing, huh?" Hidan asked, smirking. "Alright, who the hell's in favor of crashing at Pein and Konan's place?"

Shouts in favor were heard from all.

"Wait you can't just barge in like that-" Pein protested.

"OK, we'll need chips and cheap horror flicks, un!"

"We can stop at the grocery for chips," Sasori suggested.

"And I know a great hellhole for cheesy movies," Hidan added.

"Make sure it's cheap," Kakuzu muttered.

"You can't-I mean-that's not-Zetsu, do something!" the leader pleaded.

"Alright, so Deidara and Sasori will get the chips, Kakuzu and Hidan can run inside and get the movies, and Tobi can-wait, where is Tobi?" Zetsu asked, looking up from his list.

"Right here!" the boy chirped, dragging Itachi behind him. "Itachi was sulking by the bus stop, so Tobi decided to bring Itachi along to have fun!"

"I hate fun," the weasel muttered, trying to pull away from the boy.

"Well, now that that's settled, everyone into the car!" Zetsu ordered.

"But we can't all fit, un!"

"Sure we can. **It just won't be legal, that's all.**"

Pein could only stare as everyone crammed into his car. "Wait to take control there, Sir Leader," Konan said.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Three hours later, a full-blown party was underway. After the group had given Tobi sugar (which resulted in him being hog-tied and thrown into a broom closet), things calmed down a bit, with Sasori and Deidara arguing about art, Hidan hunting for something to sacrifice, and Kisame trying to drag Itachi out of his emo corner. Kakuzu and the others were more or less just drifting about, talking.

"So, how much do you pay for utilities on this place?" Kakuzu asked, looking around.

"No clue. We let Zetsu handle all that stuff," Konan admitted. "All our payments come out of my folks' life insurance money."

"How much do you pay?" Zetsu asked. "**Probably less than us, at least."**

"I don't. Electricity is a waste of good money. I haven't had power in my apartment in over a month."

"WHAT?" Konan screamed. "How do you keep food refrigerated?"

"I don't. I just make ramen over a fire every night and eat that."

"Fire's aren't allowed in city limits," Pein remarked.

"Your point?"

"Kakuzu," Konan began, "why don't you move in here?"

"Oh no," Pein interjected. "We're not taking in another person."

"Besides, I don't want to move in," Kakuzu added.

Konan glared at the two. "Kakuzu, it'll be cheaper, since you won't have to pay rent on the apartment anymore. And Pein, I'm sure you can find it in your heart to let him stay here. **Right?**"

"S-Sure honey," Pein answered, watching his girlfriend warily.

"Good," Konan said, smiling. "Then it's settled. He'll move into the spare bedroom."

"How many rooms do you even have in this place?" the miser asked.

"Lesse, there's our room, Kisame's staying in the old office, and you have the other bedroom. Plus, we have the attic and basement where Zetsu is. I guess we'll have to move Tobi in there with him now, poor guy…plus the living room and kitchen…add two bathrooms, and that's it," Konan said.

"Will I have to pay rent?" Kakuzu asked, caving in.

"Oh no," Pein answered. "You'll file our taxes."


	6. Chapter 6

Kisame swore that if the school hadn't been made out of solid concrete, he would have burned it down.

He had finally figured out where everything was in this place, where all his classes were, how to get from one place to another…

And now, they were switching him to a different math class on the other side of the school.

The worst part was, virtually every kid in his class was to blame. Apparently, 90% of his class was currently failing Algebra 2, while the other 10% was passing with flying colors. So, those kids would be moved to a faster class, while the failing teens would stay behind for a slower paced class. Take a wild guess which group the shark was in.

So, here he was, heading to a new room, full of kids who would no doubt point and whisper about him, wondering what the hell had gone wrong to make him look like that. Kisame sighed as he shook his head. Oh well. May as well get this over with now.

The shark stepped inside the room and immediately headed towards the back of the classroom. Whoever had first said 'out of sight, out of mind' really knew what they were talking about. Kisame stuffed his book under his new desk and sat back, waiting for roll call. "What are you doing here?"

Kisame nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard the familiar voice address him. "Oh, hey Itachi. I didn't know you were in here."

"I've been here all year. You haven't. Which brings us to the question of, why are you here?"

"Most of the kids in my other class were idiots, so they moved some of us into here so we wouldn't have to slow down like them."

"That explains it," Itachi muttered, looking at the other new students that were slowly filing into the room. "Do me a favor and stay there. The last thing I need is some prep that's going to spend the entire class texting sitting by me."

"Um, ok," Kisame replied. He seriously doubted that anyone would try to make him move; after all, would you walk up to a 6-foot 7-inch shark and ask them to move? Not likely.

Sure enough, when the bell rang Itachi and Kisame were still sitting beside each other. Itachi quickly copied down the problems on the board and did then all in about ten minutes. Once he'd finished, the Uchiha set down his pencil and proceeded to stare out the window, thinking about who knows what.

Kisame took a few seconds to just study the weasel in complete silence. "_He's cute."_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~that night~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
>BANG<p>

"Tobi, come upstairs and eat your dinner!"

CRASH

"**Eat it now or you don't get any dinner at all!**"

"Better Tobi wants to play, Zetsu!"

"**TOO BAD!**"

Konan and Pein listened to the sounds of shouting, crashing, and several things breaking before Zetsu emerged from the basement, dragging the masked teen by his collar. "Tobi, eat," Pein ordered.

"No!" The teen crossed his arms in front of himself like a child, and the others could practically see the pout on his face.

"Tobi, please eat," Konan begged.

"If you don't eat, you're going to get super skinny and flimsy," Kisame pointed out.

"Tobi doesn't want to eat!"

"**Ok, screw it! I'm force-feeding that kid!**"

"WAAAAAAAAAH! Don't touch Tobi's mask!" The Uchiha was out of the kitchen in a flash, with the schizo right on his heels.

"…You know, you could just stop feeding him. It would save about $4,000 a year," Kakuzu pointed out.

"Don't tempt me," Pein ordered, wincing as he heard a sound suspiciously like a Ming vase crashing to the ground.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

RIIIIIING

Sasori raised a brow as he heard the phone ring. Since when did anyone call here? More importantly, since when did anyone have the phone number _to_ call here?

RIIIIIIING

Sasori picked up the phone. "Hello?"

"DANNA!" The redhead winced, holding the phone a bit further away from his ear. Well that answered one question. Now to answer another. "What's wrong Deidara?"

"I was making dinner and I left the kitchen and then there was smoke and now there's flames and I DON'T WANNA EXPLODE, UN!"

"Deidara, I'll be right over," Sasori said, hanging up and rushing out of the house, hoping he remembered where Pein and Konan had dropped off the sculptor before.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Sasori walked into the house, he nearly choked on all the smoke. "Deidara!"

"Sasori danna!"

The redhead followed the blonde's voice into the kitchen. "Deidara, what the hell happened?"

"I was making a casserole in the oven, but I started sculpting and forgot about it, and when I came back in here there was smoke, and the casserole was on fire, and my explosives are in the pantry, un! If they overheat, we're screwed!"

"WHAT?"

"And I kept throwing water in there, but it won't stop, un!"

"Deidara," Sasori asked calmly, "did it occur to you to turn off the oven?"

"Um, well, no, un."

"Then do that now!" Sasori screamed.

"Yes danna!" It took fifteen more minutes of throwing water on the casserole and opening every door and window in the house, but finally the kitchen was smoke free.

Sasori shook his head as he looked down at the sorry remains of the blonde's dinner. "You'd better throw that out, pan and all."

"Got it, danna," Deidara replied, walking outside the house to bury the leftovers. Once he was gone, Sasori started looking around the kitchen.

It was a nice place; tidy, well kept, and modern-looking. The only thing that seemed out of place was the overflowing garbage can. It appeared to be filled to the brim with folded or wadded up pieces of paper, with additional notes lying on the ground.

Sasori walked over to the papers and pulled several out, taking the time to unfold them and read their short messages. Every note was written by the same two people; Deidara's mother and father.

As Sasori read the notes, a frown grew on his face. The words may have been rearranged, and the situations may have been different each time, but every note said the same thing; I'll be out late, see you later. Sasori shook his head as he replaced the notes. Honestly, when was the last time those people had even talked face to face with Deidara been-

"I'm done, un!" Deidra called out, walking back into the kitchen with a smile on his face.

"Deidara, you really need to take out your trash," Sasori remarked.

"Oh yeah, sorry about the mess, un," Deidara said, grinning sheepishly.

"Hey, Deidara?"

"Yeah, un?"

"You mind if I crash here tonight?"

There was a moment of silence before Deidara nodded his head. "Your parents won't mind, un?"

"I doubt it. They're dead."

"Sorry, un."

"It's cool. My grandma's the only relative I have, and she's off on some world tour for the next eight months."

"Wow, un! So, you're all by yourself, un?"

"More or less. It's fine with me; I'm not a people person anyway."

"Ok. There's a sleeping bag upstairs that you can borrow if you want, un."

"Thanks," Sasori replied, following the blonde up the stairs to his room. It didn't take long for the two of them to settle in, and soon Deidara had shut off the lights and crawled into his bed, leaving Sasori to curl up in the sleeping bag on the floor.

As Sasori was drifting off, thinking about how much the blonde and he were alike, he could have sworn he heard a very soft, "Thank you, un."


	7. Chapter 7

Kakuzu swore softly under his breath. Pein and the others had taken off to school without him. Meaning he d have to walk.

The miser shook his head as he began walking down the street. Since when was it so wrong to triple check every light in the house to make sure they d been turned off? Really, those people simply didn t understand how to save money.

As Kakuzu was walking by one house, he heard screaming and crashing coming from it. Curious, he stopped his trek in hopes of finding out what was going on within the building. To his shock, Hidan emerged a moment later, ducking and barely missing the frying pan aimed at his head. Bye assholes! he called out, smirking as he walked down the steps.

Hidan?

The masochist turned to the banker, a surprised look on his face. Hey Kakuzu.

What the hell was that?

Huh? What the hell are you talking about? Hidan asked, as if he was oblivious to the shouts and noises coming from inside his house.

It sounds like a war zone in your house! Kakuzu snapped.

Oh, that. My Jashin-damned relatives came in from outside this hellhole of a town, and we re throwing a party!

What?

Every asshole in my family s a Jashinist, dumbass. Didn t you know?

No, but there being more people like you out there scares me.

That s good, Hidan said, smiling as he began walking ahead of his friend.

MR. HOSHIGAKI!

Kisame snapped his head up, looking around the room. What, what?

That is the fifth time you ve fallen asleep in my class! the teacher snapped. You ve got detention now.

Screw you, the shark murmured, laying his head back down once the teacher s back was turned.

Kisame looked up and down the halls as he exited the detention room. Seeing this place without hundreds of students in it was just plain creepy.

He managed to exit the building without running into anyone, but once he got outside, he ran into a familiar face.

Itachi Uchiha was sitting on the front steps of the high school. Hello, Kisame.

Hey Itachi. Why are you still here?

The prospect of walking home alone doesn t seem very pleasant. Besides, I had nothing better to do.

Nothing better to do than wait outside for me for an hour? Kisame shook his head. So, I guess we can just go now, right?

Hn, Itachi replied, rising to his feet and walking off. Kisame took this as his cue to follow the weasel and walked along behind Itachi, not entirely sure were they would end up.

As it turned out, the weasel s house was in the same directions as Pein; you just had to hang an extra left and go halfway down the block before you hit it. Kisame followed Itachi into an apartment building and up the steps to the third floor, were they finally stopped in front of a door. Your family lives here? Kisame asked, remembering the sign that had advertised these apartments as 1-bedroom, 1-bathroom.

No. It s just me.

You re kidding, right?

No. My relatives don t exactly care for me. And without another word, Itachi ducked inside the apartment, leaving Kisame alone in the hall.

Bills, bills, bills you d think I d at least get some junk mail now and again, Sasori growled, flipping through the mail he d gotten today. At the very bottom of the stack, he found a letter addressed to him, written in Chiyo s handwriting. That was odd; he d never gotten a letter from his grandma. Just postcards.

Curious, he grabbed his letter opener and cut it open, eyes quickly scanning the paper.

Dear Scorpling,  
>I m writing to you from Sicily. The weather here is lovely, the people are friendly, and the food is delicious. I m telling you all this not to make you jealous, my dear grandson, but to prepare you for moving here!<p>

WHAT?

That s right, you get to come and live in Sicily with me! I ve already made plans to sell the house and most of the furnishings we can t ship over here, so pack up what you want to bring soon! Let me know when you get this message so I can send you your plane ticket, ok? Love,  
>Grandma Chiyo<p>

Sasori stared at the letter for a good five minutes, before crumpling it up into a ball. Just when he d finally made friends, his grandmother decides to ship him halfway across the world to live with her.

His friends. Damn, he was the only one that knew about Deidara being alone all the time. He couldn t just-no, he wouldn t just pack up and go. There was no way in hell he was leaving those guys, especially not Deidara.

He ran around the house, trying to remember where they kept the envelopes and paper, before returning to the living room to copy down the address on the envelope. Sasori put a grand total of two minutes of thinking into what he was going to say before he began writing.

Dear Grandma,

One; stop calling me Scorpling. I hate it.

Two; I can t go to Sicily with you. I m capable of taking care of myself, as you said when you left on your trip in the first place. Besides, sending me over there, getting a proper education, and feeding me would cost a fortune. I have a few friends here that I can stay with; they ve already said it s ok, so long as I get a job soon.

So, don t worry about me. I doubt you ll ever even need to think about me again. Sasori

The Akasuna read over the letter once before stuffing it into an envelope, sticking a stamp on it, and cramming it into his mailbox. Now to go pack

DING DONG

Who could that be? Pein muttered, watching as Konan rose to her feet and walked across the room to answer the door. Sasori?

The redhead was standing on there front porch, a backpack over his shoulder and a lumpy duffle bag under one arm. My grandmother sold the house. Can I move in here?

When the hell did our home become a boarding house? Pein cried, exiting the room to find the Advil.

Well, Sasori, we only have the attic to offer you, Konan explained.

I ll take it.

Don t you have anywhere else to go? Zetsu asked, walking into the room and turning on the TV to watch the news.

Yeah, Sicily.

You re staying, Konan declared, pulling him into the house and shutting the door behind him.

And in other news, three more buildings downtown have been set fire to, as well as a statue in Sarutobi Park being tipped over and-

Dear lord, what s happening out there? Konan asked.

Hidan s relatives are in town, Kakuzu replied, walking through the room with a bucket of nails and several planks of wood tucked under his arm. I m going to seal the windows now.

I ll lock the doors, Konan stated, quickly rushing out of the room.

And I ll heat up the tar and oil, Zetsu added, grinning as he walked down the stairs to his room.

I ll just put my things upstairs then, Sasori said to the empty room, wondering if maybe he should have just taken Sicily over this madhouse. 


	8. Chapter 8

After three days of nonstop destruction and mayhem, the city's terror level final dropped to yellow, and schools were allowed to reopen.

Kakuzu had chosen to walk down the street, in order to pick up Hidan and see if his friend had been able to survive the Jashinist party. He was only slightly surprised to walk towards Hidan's house and find that the doors were missing, nearly all the windows were broken, and one of the walls looked slightly charred. Hidan emerged from the building a moment later, waving to his family. "See ya!"

The Jashinist turned and noticed that Kakuzu was there. "Hey dumbass. What's up?"

"Nothing much. I've just been, oh, hiding in the house for the past few days with a crow bar and pepper spray in my hands in the event that your family attacked. But other than that, the usual."

"Whatever. Man, that was a hell of a party. I'm still picking pieces of that cheap-ass window glass outta my hair." The zealot began swearing softly as he ran his fingers through his silver hair, soft clinks resonating through the air every time a piece of glass fell to the sidewalk.

"You didn't get injured too badly, right?"

"Hell no. My cousin got engaged, so most of the attention went to the bitch," Hidan explained.

"Then why are you still bleeding?"

"Jashin dammit, I thought they stopped the bleeding," Hidan muttered before fainting from the blood loss.

Kakuzu sighed as he scooped the Jashinist off the sidewalk and started on his way towards the school. "If we're late, I'm blaming you."

Kisame was once again asleep in math class. He couldn't help it; Tobi refused to sleep before three in the morning, and Zetsu spent all that time chasing the kid around to put Tobi to bed. Was it any wonder Kisame was always worn out?

The shark was suddenly awoken not by the teacher's harsh voice, but by a folded piece of paper colliding with his head. He sat up, rubbing his eyes before looking at the paper. Carefully, so the teacher wouldn't notice, he unfolded it.

Almost instantly he recognized Itachi's handwriting. "Are you doing anything tonight?"

Kisame raised a brow and looked over at the weasel, as if asking what this was about. Itachi's eyes, however, were glued to the window, with Kisame well out of his line of vision. The shark wrote a quick, "No, why?" before tossing the note back.

Itachi caught the paper in midair and unfolded it, reading Kisame's reply. He picked up his pencil, as if to write something, but froze. Kisame pretended to be focused on his work, carefully observing Itachi out of the corner of his eye. The weasel finally took a deep breath and quickly wrote something down before rapidly tossing it to the shark, as if keeping it too long would cause him to change his mind about what he wrote.

Kisame could barely contain his surprise as he read the weasel's answer. "Do you want to come over to my place for the night?"

The shark wasn't sure what to write, so he waited until Itachi looked at him and nodded his head. "Mr. Hoshigaki, are you passing notes now?"

"No," Kisame lied, dropping the note onto the floor. In a flash, Itachi had grabbed the note and set it on fire, courtesy of his pocket lighter.

"That's detention, Hoshigaki! And does anyone else smell smoke?"

The weasel followed Kisame back to Pein's house, so he could grab a spare change of clothes. The house was, of course, complete pandemonium by the time they arrived.

"Has anyone seen my sandpaper?" Sasori asked, walking through the living room and looking under furniture as he went.

"Tobi has!" The Uchiha walked into the room, sandpaper glued to his body. "Tobi used it for arts and crafts!"

"What the-you little brat, I need that!" Sasori charged at Tobi, chasing the boy around the room.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Tobi is a good boy!" The masked teen cried, barely able to avoid running into Zetsu. Sasori, unfortunately, was not so lucky.

WHAM

"Oww! Zetsu, watch it!"

"**You're the one that ran into me, asshole!** Sorry, I just needed to get some salt from the kitchen-"

Everyone jumped at the scream. "**Dammit, my dinner's trying to escape. I knew I should have cut off the legs…"** Zetsu exited the room, growling about his hunger.

"Our electricity bill's up $0.52 cents this month," Kakuzu said as he entered the room. "So from now on no one can use the blender on Tuesdays or Thursdays. Got it?"

"OUCH!"

Kisame and Itachi once again saw Sasori walk into the room, sandpaper in hand. "I swear, one day that brat's going to get it-"

"WHO ATE ALL THE CHOCOLATE?" Konan screeched from upstairs.

Pein was downstairs a moment later, running to the door. "Don't ask; just hide!"

"…I think I'm going over to Deidara's tonight," Sasori said, walking out the door.

"You know what? I think we can just leave now," Kisame suggested, quickly walking out the door with Itachi as they heard another scream from the basement.

"So, what do you want to do?" Kisame asked as Itachi opened the door to his apartment.

"No clue." Great answer. Itachi opened the door, and Kisame was too curious to see what Itachi's home was like to ask any more questions.

The best adjective to describe Itachi's home was bare. The living room had a couch, a coffee table, and a TV. There weren't even a few photos or pictures hanging on the walls. The weasel led the way into the kitchen, which was just as bad; nothing on the counters, nothing pinned to the refrigerator, and when Kisame saw Itachi open the fridge to get 2 Cokes, he wasn't too shocked to see that the shelves were virtually empty as well. "_What the hell…_"

"I have a few movies we could watch. That's about all I have for entertainment."

Itachi's statement tugged the shark away from his thoughts. "That's fine. As long as I don't have to put up with Tobi yelling all night, anything's good."

A small smirk formed on Itachi's lips. "I almost feel bad for you people. I only had to put up with Mada-sorry, Tobi, for a week."

"That explains why your place is still in tact," Kisame muttered.

"Yeah. But I still had to throw out a lot of furniture that Tobi ruined."

"_That explains it_…Hey, Itachi?"

"Hn?"

"Why are you living alone? And why was Tobi here with you?"

The weasel's smile fell. "I live alone because my family hates me. Tobi was with me for the same reason."

"Oh." Kisame wanted to ask Itachi to elaborate, but that didn't seem to be the best course of action right now. Another time, then. "So, do you want to watch the movies now?"

"Hn."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~8 hours later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kisame and Itachi were still on the couch, watching yet another horror movie. How Itachi could be so calm during these movies was something that Kisame would never be able to understand. These films always seemed just a bit creepy to the shark, if not plain sick.

THUMP

The shark nearly jumped out of his skin when Itachi fell over, head landing right in Kisame's lap. He had fallen asleep during the movie.

Carefully, so he wouldn't wake (and possibly enrage) the Uchiha, the shark pulled a blanket off the back of the couch and draped it over Itachi, stiffening and then relaxing as the weasel snuggled into him. All in all, this was rather nice.

Kisame hoped they'd have more movie nights.


	9. Chapter 9

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~weeks later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Sasori danna?"

"Hmm?"

"Why do you always sleep on the floor, un?"

"Because that's the only place I can sleep besides the couch, brat."

Deidara frowned down at the Akasuna, who was currently lying inside a sleeping bag near Deidara's bed. "That's not true, un. You could sleep in my bed, danna."

Sasori tried to remain calm. There was a reason he didn't sleep in bed with other people, but there was no way he was going to explain it to Deidara. "I'm fine down here. Now let me sleep, brat."

"Please danna?"

Sasori made the fatal mistake of looking at Deidara just in time to catch a wide-eyed pout from the blonde. "_Why must he be so cute?"_

The puppeteer rose from the ground and sighed, crawling into the bed. "Fine. But you have to stay on your side. Understand?"

"Uh-huh!" Deidara replied, beaming.

"Good. Now let me sleep!"

"Night danna, un!"

The redhead gave no reply, so Deidara remained quiet and tried to fall asleep. He was just about to drift off, when Sasori suddenly turned over in his sleep. The sculptor waited for Sasori to get comfortable and go back to sleep, but it looked like the Akasuna wasn't settling down anytime soon. He began moving closer and closer to Deidara's side, and finally had his arm stretched over the invisible line separating their sides of the bed.

Deidara merely rolled over to try and ignore the redhead. This plan was ruined beyond salvation when Sasori suddenly moved again and wrapped his arms around Deidara's waist.

The bomber's pulse quickened as the puppet master pulled him closer, eventually making Deidara's back press against his chest. "Danna!" he whispered.

The Akasuna only squeezed him tighter. "Sasori danna!" he said, this time quite a bit louder.

"Hmm?" Sasori slowly blinked open his eyes, before realizing how close he was to Deidara. "Ack!" He quickly released the blonde and shot to his own side of the bed, face nearly as red as Deidara's.

"What the hell where you doing, un?" Deidara demanded.

"There's a reason that I don't sleep in bed with other people," Sasori muttered.

"What? You can't resist molesting them, un?"

"NO!" the Akasuna snapped. "I just…latch onto whatever's closet to me when I'm asleep."

"…A sleep-cuddler, un?"

"That's one way of putting it," Sasori muttered, moving to the edge of the bed. "I'm going back to the sleeping bag now."

"You don't have to go," Deidara said quickly, grabbing the redhead's arm. "It just startled, me, that's all, un. Just put a pillow between us, un."

"Alright," Sasori agreed, returning to his side of the bed and sticking a pillow between Deidara and himself. It took a little while, but the redhead was finally able to fall asleep.

Deidara waited until he was positive Sasori was out before grabbing the pillow and removing it. After a little while longer, the puppet master began moving again, and soon his arms were back around Deidara. The bomber could only smile as he felt Sasori's arms tighten around him. "Night Sasori danna."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~the next day~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"ZETSU!"

GLOMP

The schizo sighed inwardly. This had become almost routine for him. Wake up, wake Tobi, get dressed, hear the kid call his name, and then get glomped by a rainbow blur. Same old thing, day in and day out. "**Tobi, get off me.** Please."

"Ok Zetsu!" Tobi stood and began running around the room, waiting for Zetsu to finish getting ready. "Tobi wants to play Tobi wants to play Tobi want to play-"

"**Be quiet!**"

"But Tobi wants to play! But Tobi's hungry too. Tobi wants breakfast Tobi wants breakfast-"

"**SHUT UP!**" Zetsu had decidedly woken up on the wrong side of the bed, and was in no mood to listen to Tobi.

Tobi, of course, ignored the command. "No! Tobi wants to play, Tobi wants to eat, Tobi wants to-" but before he could finish his sentence, Zetsu ripped off his mask, with the intention of stuffing a sock down Tobi's throat to silence him.

The boy's cheery mood disappeared as his hands shot up to cover his face. "Zetsu, give Tobi back his mask!"

"**Not until you shut up,**" the elder teen growled, holding the mask away from the boy.

"Please Zetsu! Be a good boy like Tobi and give it back!"

"**No,**" the man answered once more, though a little less forcefully.

"Please?" Tobi was now sitting on the bed, shaking. "Please Zetsu?"

"Tobi, it's just…Tobi, are you crying?" The boy shook his head no, but Zetsu could still see tears leaking out from between the Uchiha's fingers. "**Good boys don't lie, Tobi."**

"Tobi's mask?"

Zetsu handed the mask to the teen. "Tobi-" but before he could say anything, Tobi had bolted from the room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kakuzu was walking through the park, looking around at the area that had finally been cleaned up after the destruction Hidan's family had caused. It had taken a while, and the grass probably wouldn't properly regrow until next year, but at least it was safe for children to play in-

"BOW DOWN TO JASHIN OR BURN IN HELL, DUMBASSES!"

Or not.

Kakuzu followed the stream of obscenities to see a group of people clustered around three men who were all wearing Jashinist pendants. Hidan was standing to the side, watching the trio at work. "Hey dumbass," he called to Kakuzu.

"Hidan, what's going on?"

"We're trying to convert some of you heathens, asshole."

"How's that going?"

A flying tomato hit Hidan in the head. "Not good," Hidan replied. "And now I have to go and disembowel that bastard."

Kakuzu watched as Hidan pulled a rusty spork out of his pocket and began chasing the tomato thrower. "This should be interesting."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~at the grocery store~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Kisame?" Itachi was looking up and down the aisles, trying to find his friend. "Where did that shark go?"

As the Uchiha was going down yet another aisle, he slipped on a wet surface and landed on the ground. Hard.

Grumbling, Itachi saw that he hadn't been watching were he was going, and had managed to slip on a recently mopped surface. Worse yet, whatever employee had been in charge of cleaning the floor was apparently rather lazy, since Itachi now had a sleeve full of salsa. "I may as well be blind," he muttered, pulling off his jacket.

Kisame, meanwhile, was now on the hunt for Itachi. Some crazed employee had dragged him to the seafood section to sell fish, thinking Kisame's sharky appearance was a costume to promote sushi sales. It had taken a lot of explaining, but the shark was finally freed to go find his friend.

Kisame finally came to the aisle Itachi was in. He was about to call out, when something caught his attention.

Along the weasel's forearm were straight, thin scars that perfectly matched the cuts on his face. Kisame did a quick count, and realized there were at least half a dozen cuts on Itachi's slowly walked up to his friend. "Itachi?"


	10. Chapter 10

The weasel looked up to see his friend staring at his arm. Damn, he d forgotten about those cuts! Itachi, why is your arm cut up?

The Uchiha slowly rose to his feet, not looking into Kisame s eyes. I ll tell you back home, he muttered, walking towards the exit of the store. Groceries could wait.

Itachi flopped down onto his couch, with Kisame sitting next to him. Alright, spill. I want the entire story.

The whole thing? Itachi smirked. All right. Here it is.

A while back, when I was still a little kid, I lived with my brother and parents. Things were pretty good; my family had money, my brother and I were smart, and our parents were ok.

Then, one night, I was in our car with mom and dad. We started arguing, dad s eyes left the road, and we crashed. They died that night, and I escaped without a scratch.

Is that why your family hates you? Kisame asked. Because they blame you for the crash.

If only it were that simple, Itachi murmured. After that, weird things started happening to me.

My brother Sasuke and I went to live with our aunt and uncle. Our uncle fell off a ladder and broke his neck two days after we arrived, and our aunt met the same fate when she slipped on a bar of soap in the shower.

Sasuke was sent to live with our distant cousins then, and I moved in with another aunt and cousin. About three days after I arrived, a fire burned their house to the ground. I got out; they didn t.

Finally, I moved in with three of my cousins, who were the only ones left that would take me in. We got on a bus to go back to their home. Everything was fine, until the driver fell asleep at the wheel. We went off the road, and the bus overturned. Guess who lived, and guess who died.

They think you re a jinx, Kisame said, finally realizing the truth.

That s right. They were scared stiff that something would happen to them if they took me in, so they finally settled on getting me an apartment, away from everyone else. My parents life insurance is divided in half now; part of it goes to Sasuke, and the other half to me.

But that still doesn t explain your cuts, Kisame pointed out.

I started keeping track of how many people died because of me, Itachi explained, holding out his arm for Kisame to see. The scars under my eyes are for my parents, and the other cuts on my arm are for everyone else.

I m sorry, Kisame said.

Don t be. I hate them all.

Itachi, why would they send Tobi here if they thought you d kill him?

Because they wanted him dead. They always thought Tobi wasn t the right kind of Uchiha; he s not particularly smart or strong, and he always wears that mask. They think he s a disgrace to the Uchiha name, and they were hoping that by sending him here, they d get rid of him.

That s sick.

And that s why I sent him to live with Pein and them. So at least he s safe.

Tobi? Where is he Zetsu was looking all over the house, in hopes of finding the masked teen. His good side desperately wanted to apologize to the boy, and his dark side wasn t putting up much of a fight.

Tobi! Zetsu finally returned to his room, where he found the Uchiha sitting on his bed. There he is.

The schizo walked up to the boy, hoping to talk to him. Tobi, can we-

Tobi s being a good boy, Zetsu. Tobi s being nice and quiet like Zetsu wanted.

Tobi, I m sorry.

For?

What do you think? Stealing your mask. The schizo walked closer to the boy, sitting beside him. Tobi, why do you even wear that mask?

Will Zetsu be a good boy and keep a secret? Tobi asked.

Oh for PETA s sake-yes.

Tobi began twiddling his thumbs. Madara always smiles about everything. People started saying Madara was stupid for smiling like that. Then they started saying Madara was a stupid name. Then they just said Madara was stupid. So Madara changed his name to Tobi, and started wearing the mask. People make fun of Tobi, but not as much as Madara.

Zetsu stared at the teen, unable to find the right words that would comfort the boy. Tobi, may I please see you without your mask?

You ll laugh at Tobi, the boy said quietly.

I promise I won t. Promise.

Tobi seemed to think for a moment, before gently reaching up and removing his mask. Zetsu grabbed his chin and made Tobi turn to face him, looking the boy over. What a cute face

Huh?

Zetsu let the boy go and rose to his feet. I have to water my garden now. And Tobi?

Yes Zetsu?

Keep the mask on. From now on, I m the only one privileged enough to see your face.

Tobi sat on the bed, thinking, before a big grin broke out on his face. Zetsu likes Tobi! The boy quickly put on his mask and rushed up the stairs. Time to glomp a certain schizophrenic teen.

Sasori danna!

The redhead was abruptly woken up by a certain blonde grabbing his ankles and dragging him out of bed. Brat, what are you doing?

Waking you up so we can make pancakes, un!

What makes you think I can cook pancakes? Sasori growled as he was dragged down the hall.

Dunno, un. But we can at least try, un!

Half an hour later the kitchen was a complete mess, and a plate of pancakes were on the table, waiting to be devoured by the artists. Thanks for helping me make breakfast, danna, Deidara said.

Can I go back to sleep now? Sasori asked.

No, danna!

Brat, I am tired. Let me go back to sleep.

But I know how to get you to wake up, un.

How?

PANCAKE FIGHT! The Akasuna felt something warm and sticky collide with his face before he could react, followed by the sounds of Deidara laughing and taking off.

For a moment, all Sasori could do was sit there and stare. He finally rose to his feet, grabbing the plate of pancakes Deidara had managed to forget. That blonde is dead.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~hours later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Deidara had finally been able to wash all the syrup out of his hair, and was heading into the kitchen to get some dinner. Who knew danna was such a good shot- but the rest of his thought was cut off by something. Or rather, someone.

There was a rather well-dressed brunette standing in his kitchen, holding a mirror in one hand while she applied makeup with the other.

Deidara stared at the strange woman. She finally finished applying her makeup and had put it up, when Deidara caught her eye. She smiled. Deidara!

The next thing the sculptor knew, the woman was hugging him. Hi sweetie! Oh, it s been forever since I ve seen you!

Hi mom, Deidara replied, finally recognizing the woman as his mother. She d changed a lot in the three months he hadn t seen her.

Deidara, I ve gotta run. Some friends and I are going out to eat. She pulled away from her son and frowned. We re really going to have to do something about your hair.

But I like it long, un.

And that speech problem of yours she waved her hand dismissively in the air. Oh well. Your father s out of town on a business trip and won t be back until next week. Bye! And with that she was out the door. A moment later, Deidara heard a car engine start up, and his mom took off.

For the first time in a long while, Deidara felt an aching in his chest. He ran to the door and opened it, bolting outside and down the street.

DING DONG

Hmm? Konan rose from her place on the couch and opened the door to reveal a visibly shaken blonde. Deidara?

Is Sasori here, un? he asked quietly.

Um, yeah. He s in the attic; follow me. Konan led the blonde through the house and up the stairs, wondering what was wrong. She stopped at the end of the hall and reached up, grabbing a rope and pulling down. A hatch opened and a ladder fell down. Sasori, Deidara s here, she called out.

Deidara hurried up the steps into a rather spacious attic. There wasn t much up there, save for a bed and a few odds and ends. Sasori was currently sitting on the bed, looking over a puppet. He stopped when he saw Deidara, setting the puppet aside. Dei, what s-

DANNA! The blonde tackled Sasori, hugging him tightly. I don t fit into their lives, danna.

Whose?

My parents, un! Deidara looked up at Sasori with tears in his eyes. I don t fit into their lives, un. That s why they re never around, Sasori danna.

Shh, Deidara the redhead held the blonde to his chest, trying to calm him down. Konan tugged on the rope again, and the springs in the ladder made it fold back up, the hatch closing with a soft thump.

The blue-haired woman entered the living room once more, taking her seat beside Pein. I m going to take a stab in the dark and say Deidara s moving in as well.

Yup, Konan replied, smiling as her boyfriend gave an exasperated sigh. Aww, cheer up. Your organization s coming together nicely, isn t it?

Yes, but I didn t know it would involve moving everyone into my place! he growled.

Konan shook her head and crawled into Pein s lap, giving him a kiss on the cheek. You just have a big heart, honey.

And I curse myself every day for it, he muttered, earning another kiss from Konan. 


End file.
